Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Book Review: Mort

Book Review: Mort by Terry Pratchett 

Goodreads Description: In this Discworld installment, Death comes to Mort with an offer he can't refuse -- especially since being, well, dead isn't compulsory. As Death's apprentice, he'll have free board and lodging, use of the company horse, and he won't need time off for family funerals. The position is everything Mort thought he'd ever wanted, until he discovers that this perfect job can be a killer on his love life.

My Review: I find it quite difficult to review books considered 'classics,' whether that be cult classics or the traditional kind, because often I find I have little more to say than, "Everything you've heard about this book is right. It's awesome, go read it." To be honest, I actually hate giving five star reviews, because as a reviewer, I believe my job is to play critic and point out things that may disrupt a reader's experience. Therefore, when I end up having to write a five star review I struggle, because it's hard to keep the review critical when all I want to do is gush like a fangirl frothing at the mouth. (I love reading five star books, just hate reviewing them.)

Mort is one of those five star books for me. Right from the first page I fell in love. Before I even finished the first few chapters, I was already reading lines aloud to my friends, family, and generally anyone unfortunate enough to be caught up in my general vicinity. The book is funny, endearing, heartfelt, and gets straight to the point. There are so many throw-away, blink-and-you'll-miss-it funny lines and moments throughout the book. Pratchett's humour is so interwoven into the voice that it doesn't always need to draw attention to itself. While at the forefront of a scene a serious, plotty discussion may be taking place, there's almost always some hilarity going on in the background or between the lines.

Part of what makes Pratchett so successful is he understands that readers want to work. They want to pick up on clues and form theories on the story's outcome. Mort is such an enjoyable read because Pratchett doesn't spell things out for the reader, he simply lines up all the facts and allows the reader to draw their own conclusion. Pratchett doesn't make it ambiguous, either. It's often clear what is happening, or about to happen, in a scene, but he trusts the reader to put it together. It engages the reader by asking them to do just enough work to feel smart without breaking a sweat, making for a more enjoyable reading experience. 

The cast of characters in Mort are all delightfully flawed and charming in their own ways. This is one of the few books where I really like every main character. Each character has noticeable growth throughout the story and I could feel each transformation as it took place. What surprised me about the plot of the book was how simple yet solid it was. Each character had pretty simple motivations and desires, yet as the book progressed, those desires clashed in ways that made for strong conflicts. It all amounts to a climax which still has end of the world stakes without trying to throttle you with tension. Really, I'm using a bunch of words to say: Mort had the perfect touch. Not too much of anything, and not too little. 

Mort makes for such a delightful read as it pits the very best parts of human nature (love, loyalty, conviction, etc.) up against the vast and uncaring nature of the universe ("there is no justice, just me," the powerlessness of humans against time righting itself, the frightening power of Death, etc.). It shows how the lack of impartiality allows us to have incredible friendships and motivates us to literally stand against the will of the universe to save those we love. While that means we may never be suited to the stoic jobs the universe needs done, that passion is ultimately what makes us human and can't compare to anything else in the universe. 

TL;DR: All in all, 5/5 stars. What happens when you give the powers of death to a teenage boy? He'll disrupt the natural order of the universe trying to impress a pretty girl. 

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Book Review: Good Omens

Book Review: Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett 

Goodreads Description: According to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies, written in 1655, before she exploded), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. Just before dinner.

So the armies of Good and Evil are amassing, Atlantis is rising, frogs are falling, tempers are flaring. Everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan. Except a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon—both of whom have lived amongst Earth's mortals since The Beginning and have grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not actually looking forward to the coming Rapture.

And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist . . .

My Review: It’s the end of days, and the only ones concerned are a rogue demon and angel who appear to have more in common with each other than their respective sides. Hell has unleashed the Antichrist on Earth, but due to a mix-up between bumbling Satanic nuns, he's been lost, and the demon Crowley and angel Aziraphale only have a week to find him before Armageddon begins. With the forces of Heaven and Hell gearing up to turn Earth into a blasted battleground, Crowley and Aziraphale must find a way to stop the Apocalypse and the horrors of Revelations, or end up losing the only enjoyable thing about living—Earth. 

“Hell wasn't a major reservoir of evil, any more then Heaven, in Crowley's opinion, was a fountain of goodness; they were just sides in the great cosmic chess game. Where you found the real McCoy, the real grace and the real heart-stopping evil, was right inside the human mind.”

Good Omens is a cult classic for good reason. This hilarious tale of the Apocalypse stars an angel and demon duo that set out to stop their respective bosses from destroying Earth and all its pleasures. Because it’s written by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, the book is filled with hilarious insights into good, evil, and humanity. The writing leaps off the page from the very beginning and captures the reader through its wonderfully authentic voice. It’s written in third person omniscient point of view, so the narrator (God?) can pop into each character's thoughts while never lingering long enough to give the impression that it's only one person's perspective. The book is a lot more narrative than action, so we don’t ‘see’ the events playing out as they would on screen, but rather get the tale told to us through the omniscient narrator. Pratchett and Gaiman weave an engaging story that moves at a quick pace, but doesn’t hesitate to take time to smell the roses— or sulfur. 

The cast of characters really comes together to make the story what it is. Fans who have watched the show based off the book will note how diverse the casting is— women actors playing characters who were male in the book, as well as some actors of colour— however, the book sadly lacks this level of diversity. The characters are primarily described as white and most of the “ethereal” characters are described as male (God uses he pronouns, Pollution is a white man, Pepper is white, etc.). This was a bit of a disappointment, but is probably due to the era the book was written in. Sergeant Shadwell, the nutty witch finder obsessed with counting nipples, comes across much rougher in the book and spouts some racist comments that caught me by surprise. While this fits his character and is countered in book, it was still a little jarring to come across. The book also focuses more on the cast of characters as opposed to Crowley and Aziraphale, even if they do lead a lot of the plot. 

Pratchett and Gaiman pulled together a hilarious tale of Armageddon that blends their strengths as writers. From Gaiman’s tendency to personify gods and myths, to Pratchett’s sharp wit and observations on life, this book brings out the best of both. Aside from the lack of diversity and some questionable racist and sexist comments from Shadwell, Good Omens is a side-splitting ride down the highway to hell. Or, at least, the M25 to the apocalypse. 

TL;DR: 4/5 stars. Angels, demons, and witches, oh my! 

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Book Review: Strange the Dreamer

Book Review: Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor 

Goodreads Description: The dream chooses the dreamer, not the other way around—and Lazlo Strange, war orphan and junior librarian, has always feared that his dream chose poorly. Since he was five years old he’s been obsessed with the mythic lost city of Weep, but it would take someone bolder than he to cross half the world in search of it. Then a stunning opportunity presents itself, in the person of a hero called the Godslayer and a band of legendary warriors, and he has to seize his chance or lose his dream forever.

What happened in Weep two hundred years ago to cut it off from the rest of the world? What exactly did the Godslayer slay that went by the name of god? And what is the mysterious problem he now seeks help in solving?

The answers await in Weep, but so do more mysteries—including the blue-skinned goddess who appears in Lazlo’s dreams. How did he dream her before he knew she existed? And if all the gods are dead, why does she seem so real?

My Review: Lazlo Strange is an orphan who has always dreamt of bigger things. Sarai is a godspawn with the ability to pass like a phantom through the dreams of others. Their paths eventually cross in the fabled city of Weep, which was once ruled by a handful of cruel gods who used the city’s people as their slaves. After a brutal uprising that left the city crippled, Weep’s greatest hero, the Godslayer, has traveled the world in search of the most brilliant minds to help save the city of Weep from what the Gods have left behind.  Lazlo joins up with the caravan, unsure of how to help but unwilling to miss the adventure of a lifetime, and they arrive at the city to find a monstrous problem, traumatized townsfolk searching for hope, and a secret tucked away within the city. Lazlo quickly discovers that though the gods may be gone, their offspring aren’t, when he meets Sarai one night in a dream. He wants to believe that there’s a way for them all to exist together—human and godspawn alike— but after so much blood shed on both sides, is the city big enough for humans and godspawn alike? And if not, will Sarai and the other godspawn be able to escape it alive? 

Where to start on a book like this. The only word that springs to mind when I think of this book is fantasy, as in this book embodies everything that I think of as fantasy: magic, creatures, immersive worldbuilding, creative mythologies, long histories that affect the current world, fresh cultures, wild dress and food, and with writing that anchors you in through the senses. Laini Taylor has the vocabulary and literary prowess to make this book play out very visually, and though she introduces many new creatures and cultures, her writing style makes it not only easy to visualize, but understand and relate to. This book reminded me of the movie Avatar in the way it creates an incredible world with an internal consistency that makes it hard to believe it’s not real. Even after the last page I find myself wanting to go back to this amazingly rich world. It can’t even be pinned down on one aspect of the world, but rather the tone of the world/book that whispers, “anything can happen here.”

It’s hard to find a lot of fault with Laini Taylor’s work as she’s a bit of a juggernaut when it comes to fantasy. The mystery in this book is really what seals in the tension, mainly the mystery of Weep, and I did feel a dramatic drop once this mystery is revealed at the mid-way point. At this time I did end up putting the book down for a couple weeks, but I was pulled back by that incredible world and beautiful writing. Unfortunately, I also wasn’t as enamoured with the love story in this book, which takes more of a precedent during the second half of the book. Lazlo and Sarai end up in a situation akin to “love at first sight,” and while the reasons for this happening make a lot of sense (Lazlo being the first person who can see Sarai in dreams and Sarai is attracted to being seen/validated, while Lazlo is falling in love with the magic of this world, which Sarai literally embodies), it still feels a bit forced/destined to be in a way that takes all the fun and mystery out of the romance. Perhaps I’m just getting old and jaded, as I’m sure this approach works well with teen audiences. Personally, I didn’t connect as strongly with the romance, and felt more sexual tension between Lazlo and Thyon Nero, Lazlo’s supposed rival. While I would have loved a romance between those two, we would have undoubtably gotten a very different book if it had gone in that direction.

One main concern I had with this book had to do with the climax. I’m not going to reveal any spoilers (I’m trying to get better about that!) but I will say that during the climax a major character is killed off and brought back to life as a ghost, under the control of one of the godspawn whose magic involves controlling ghosts against their will. This character is set up as having the same properties as when they were alive— can affect the physical world, seems to have a physical form that can be touched, etc. This raises questions for me as I feel like it strips the power away from death when main characters come back from the dead. As this took place right at the end of the book, we will have to wait for the sequel to see how this new ghost character affects the story. While the conflict in this scenario is great, I have some personal hang ups when it comes to ghost characters that make it hard to fully appreciate the ending. Due to these little things, I decided on four stars out of five. Though objectively I can’t point out any real problems, these personal preferences kept me from fully connecting with the book.

All in all, an incredibly rich fantasy with gorgeous prose and a mystery that sinks its teeth in you. Magic drips off these pages. It’s a book of fairy tales thick enough to break a librarian’s nose, and worth every page of it.

TL;DR: 4/5 stars. A richly delicious fantasy that drips magic and sinks its mystery deep into readers.

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Book Review: My Own Devices

Book Review: My Own Devices by Dessa 

Goodreads Description: Dessa defies category--she is an academic with an international rap career; a lyrical writer fascinated by behavioral science; and a funny, charismatic performer dogged by blue moods and a perseverant case of heartache. In "The Fool That Bets Against Me," Dessa wonders if the romantic anguish that's helped her write so many sad songs might be an insurable professional asset. To find out, she applies to Geico for coverage. "A Ringing in the Ears" tells the story of her father building an airplane in their backyard garage--a task that took him almost seven years. The essay titled "Congratulations" reflects on recording a song for The Hamilton Mixtape in a Minneapolis basement, straining for a high note and hoping for a break. The last piece in the collection, "Call off Your Ghost," relays the fascinating project Dessa undertook with a team of neuroscientists that employed fMRI technology and neurofeedback to try to clinically excise her romantic feelings for an old flame. 

Her onstage and backstage stories are offset by her varied fascinations--she studies sign language, algebra, neuroanatomy--and this collection is a prism of her intellectual life. Her writing is infused with fascinating bits of science and sociology, philosophical insights, and an abiding tenderness for the people she tours with and the people she leaves behind to do it.

My Review: "But I didn't want to conceptualize myself as a quicksand pit of changing variables. I wanted something permanent, stolid-- a cinder block of self. Would I be the same me if I couldn't sing? Yes, I think so. But what if I forgot how to read, forgot my name, forgot that I like whiskey, forgot that red is my favorite color? What am I subtracting from? Is there some part that can't be ruined by violence, or time, or fatigue? Is there an apple core at the center that stays fixed?"

Rapper Dessa's first book, My Own Devices, is a series of nonfiction essays about life, love, music, science, and family. Through 17 different essays, Dessa gives us a glimpse of her life, from how she ended up as a rapper touring with a crew of guys, to recording a song for the creator of Hamilton, to writing to Geico to try and insure her broken heart. All the essays stand alone as well as build towards a greater story where Dessa takes on a project with neuroscientists to attempt to make herself fall out of love with her longstanding ex, referred to as X. 

At it's core, My Own Devices is a love story, beginning with how Dessa falls in love with X as well as rap, detailing their on-agains and off-agains, and ultimately leading her to attempt to 'reprogram' her brain to fall out of love. Throughout the book are stories of life on the road, family-- both blood and bandmates-- as well as science, philosophy, and a bit of dry humour to keep the pages crackling. Dessa has a wisdom to share that she presents quite eloquently. Any attempt I make to try and explain how beautifully written this book is fails in comparison next to the real thing. Dessa infuses just enough scientific tidbits and philosophical wonderings into her real life observations to make the book feel both deeply personal while it asks some big questions. 

The truly fascinating part of the book (IMHO) is the project Dessa takes on with a team of scientists to reprogram her brain to fall out of love with X, the man sprinkled throughout her life and essays. If you want to know the results, I highly suggest you read the book (spoilers!), but I will say the results may surprise you. Dessa isn't afraid to dig her talons into science and math to find real answers, but also writes science in a way that's enjoyable, engaging, and even funny at times. Her perspective on the intersection of science and art is also fascinating, and all of it is delivered in lyrical, easy to read prose. 

TL;DR: 5/5 stars. Eloquently written essays on life, science, family, music, and love infused with dry wit and sharp observations. 

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Reviews in Review 2018

Another year has gone past and another stack of books has been read. Every year I like to look back on the books I've read and the reviews I've written to see if feelings have changed, which books have staying power, and pick out my favourites and not-so-favourites. 2018 has not been my greatest reading year, but I fared better than previous years by getting to 17 books out of my goal of 25. I've had this goal for the past few years, which if you've been reading my blog you'll know I have yet to actually reach. I did better than in 2017 where I read 15 books, though just shy of 2016 where I read 19 books. And finally there was 2015, where I only got through 14 books. As always, I'm setting my goal for 25 again next year, and 2019 is going to be THE YEAR. YOU HEAR ME, UNIVERSE? I'M SERIOUSLY SERIOUS THIS TIME.

2018 saw a lot more contemporary novels about mental illness and gender identity. 10/17 of the books I read this year were review requests, either from publicists, publishers, or authors themselves. I tried to focus a little more on the books I picked out rather than requests, though obviously I was still leaning into the requests. My reading in 2019 will be more focused on fantasy and sci-fi, and I'm itching for books that feature diverse casts. But before we can focus on the future, let's take a look back at what really rocked or flopped this year.

Fabulously Freaky
Vassa in the Night by Sarah Porter

I love, love, love this book! Though it was the first book I read in 2018, it has stuck out the hardest, mostly because of how creatively fantastical the story is. It's urban fantasy, so we're still set in the familiar, while being introduced to this wonderful world of magic that's based in Russian folklore and adapted to the modern age. The result feels original when held up against the usual werewolves, vampires, and demons of urban fantasy. I also love how surreal the story feels too; night is personified and has been kidnapped, and reality warps and changes in Babs Yagg's bedroom. It's a story of metaphors interwoven in metaphors like petals interlocking to form a rose. I love how this book pushed at the limits of the fantasy genre and brought fresh blood into a genre that tends to reheat the same story like never-ending leftovers. A lot of people seem to be put off by just how truly weird this book is, which makes me a little sad at times, but it's also understandable because this book is weird, the weirdest of weird, which is what makes it so good.

Biggest Let Down
Vengeful by VE Schwab

When I first started doing these Reviews in Review in 2015, I included Vicious on the list, the predecessor to this book, because I was blown away by it. It is still one of my all-time favourite books. I was so thrilled that there would be a sequel; I even got in on the pre-order campaign and swag contests. Then this book finally arrived in my mail and... it was not the book I asked for. I thought I was getting a sequel to Vicious, but in fact, Vengeful was more of a spin off, like hoping to get more seasons of "Friends" but instead ending up with "Joey," except 'Joey' is actually some rando character we've never met before who won't shut up about how amazing they are. I got to see some 'cameo' appearances of Victor (that's sure what it felt like) but it wasn't a sequel in the way I wanted it to be. I waited years for this book only to be given SOMEBODY ELSE'S STORY. I'm still angry about this and it's been a couple months since I've read it, so I have a feeling I'll be angry for a while. It's the ones you love that hurt you the most. And while I do love Schwab, this one hurt more than others.

Powerful Poignance
What I Leave Behind by Allison McGhee

What an incredibly beautiful book. I still find myself thinking about this book because of how much it nailed those emotional notes. The book is written in 100 chapters of 100 words long, and so every word has a very purposeful intent to it. The author gets across so much in so little time that it almost felt like the spaces between the words-- what wasn't being said instead of what was-- made the book feel so heavy. I think too I could really relate to Will's feelings of powerlessness in the face of tragedy, and the hope that comes when he starts to gain some control and autonomy over his life again. I just seriously want to hug this book all day long. It finds beauty and meaning in the details of living and uses it in impressive ways. 

Please Stop Writing For Children
Full Fusion by NJ Damschroder

Some books you read and wonder why the author ever decided to write for children. Full Fusion was definitely one of those books. At first, it appears to be like every other uncreative YA trope factory -- boring and flat characters, simple plots, ultimately a lack of tension outside of the romance, and filled with cliches-- but this book took it one step further by incorporating horrible messages throughout. There was a slew of anti-feminist and anti-woman messaging that seemed dangerous in a book aimed towards young girls. It also included the main character cheating on her boyfriend and then instantly being forgiven, and it was implied that cheating was okay since the MC and her love interest were "really in love" and "meant to be" etc, etc, cue barfing everywhere. If you're going to have a predictable piece of garbage, at least don't fill it full of toxic messages aimed at the vulnerable readers that make up your audience! This is one of those books that if I saw a kid reading it, I'd snatch it out of their hands and replace it with a GOOD angel romance story, like Unearthly. Ain't nobody got time for anti-feminist rhetoric. 

Set the Scene
The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill

Historical novels can be difficult as there are so many facets of life that have changed over the years humans been around. It's easy to miss details or provide inaccurate ones, so historical fiction has always intimidated me. I'm impressed by the writers who can do it well and are able to transport readers across time. The Book of Negroes is one of those books that firmly plants you back into the 19th century and gives you a real sense for how people lived in worlds lost to us through time. Even a couple months later I'm really captivated by the settings and world-building that the author was able to get across. Little scenes like Aminata's wedding where they "jumped the broom" stood out as sweet and yet historically accurate, and allows the reader to see what living actually looked like in these environments. I wish I could bottle up this historical world-building, cause that shit is like fine wine. 

And there you have it! Another year of bad-ass books and overly long reviews to go with them. I hope you'll hang out for this year's round of reviews and discover which ones will be the stand outs for 2019. 

Here's to another year of good reads, y'all. 

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Book Review: OCDaniel

Book Review: OCDaniel by Wesley King 

Goodreads Description: Daniel is the back-up punter for the Erie Hills Elephants. Which really means he’s the water boy. He spends football practice perfectly arranging water cups—and hoping no one notices. Actually, he spends most of his time hoping no one notices his strange habits—he calls them Zaps: avoiding writing the number four, for example, or flipping a light switch on and off dozens of times over. He hopes no one notices that he’s crazy, especially his best friend Max, and Raya, the prettiest girl in school. His life gets weirder when another girl at school, who is unkindly nicknamed Psycho Sara, notices him for the first time. She doesn’t just notice him: she seems to peer through him.

Then Daniel gets a note: “I need your help,” it says, signed, Fellow Star Child—whatever that means. And suddenly Daniel, a total no one at school, is swept up in a mystery that might change everything for him.

My Review: Daniel knows he's not normal, from the Zaps to his nightly Routine to the Great Space and Collapses he sometimes experiences, but he doesn't know why. He only cares about keeping it all a secret in the hopes that he can learn how to be normal like his best friend, Max, or Raya, the girl he likes. Being normal becomes extremely difficult after Sara reaches out to him, a non-verbal girl with many disorders  at his school who asks for his help. Her father has gone missing and Sara suspects murder, she just needs Daniel's help to prove it. As they both learn more about each other, it becomes harder and harder for Daniel to keep his secret, and he soon finds, he may not want to keep it anymore after all. 

"I was always hiding, but someone had still seen me." - OCDaniel

Oh man, what a delight this book was. OCDaniel is the cute contemporary story of a boy named Daniel who struggles with OCD and tries to balance it between girls, football, family, writing, and a murder investigation. This story is so sweet and heartfelt while still looking at some big issues and emotions, which makes this book a powerful read. The characters are instantly people readers can fall in love with: Daniel is so sweet, Sara is spunky but with a huge heart, and all the other characters come across as very positive. Steve, Daniel's older brother, teases him a bit but is still shown to be a caring older brother. Even the supposed "villains" turn out to be good, misunderstood people, which leads to a wholesome feel throughout. Even the conflicts in the novel, though they are cloaked in dramatic scenarios, actually boils down to people learning to understand one another.

The representation for mental health was so spot on in this book. I don't have OCD so I can't speak to the accuracy of the representation, though the author King says the book is part autobiographical as he has OCD and went through a lot of the things Daniel goes through, so I assume it's a fairly accurate representation. Even the way that the emotions are explored and explained makes it really easy to understand and sympathize with Daniel's condition. I really enjoyed how the book illustrated his confusion and fear around his compulsions, and though I don't have OCD I do struggle with other mental health issues and I really found myself relating to Daniel's struggle for secrecy, normalcy, and inclusion. It's something I think a lot of young readers can relate to, mental illnesses or not. The book also explores all these emotions without going into really dark areas. We get to see the full struggle that Daniel goes through with his Routine, and all the pain that he keeps inside, but the overall tone of the book is still hugely positive which makes for a pleasant read.

Finally, the real hook, line, and sinker of this novel is just how purely pre-teen it is. Daniel is 13 and is just entering that age where people start developing crushes and get interested in relationships. It's not the kind of developed romance you'd see in YA, but a much more toned back game of "who likes who" that comes across as really sweet and innocent. I feel like it would really appeal to MG readers who may be interested in reading more romance but aren't quite ready for the dramas and perils of high school romance in YA. As well, the development of the potential relationship is based more on friendship and commonality than falling for looks (though the difference is explored a bit, which was great), and there's no kiss or a start of a relationship at the end, just the potential for one and the acknowledgement of feelings for each other.

All in all, this is just an adorable story with great mental health representation, lovable characters, and an emotional but positive message. A definite recommendation to young readers, especially pre-teens or those on the cusp of adolescence.

TL;DR: 5/5/ stars. An adorable and heartfelt story of a boy learning to manage his OCD along with friends, girls, writing, and football. 

Saturday, December 29, 2018

Book Review: A Heart in a Body in the World

Book Review: A Heart in a Body in the World by Deb Caletti

Goodreads Description: When everything has been taken from you, what else is there to do but run?

So that’s what Annabelle does—she runs from Seattle to Washington, DC, through mountain passes and suburban landscapes, from long lonely roads to college towns. She’s not ready to think about the why yet, just the how—muscles burning, heart pumping, feet pounding the earth. But no matter how hard she tries, she can’t outrun the tragedy from the past year, or the person—The Taker—that haunts her.

Followed by Grandpa Ed in his RV and backed by her brother and two friends (her self-appointed publicity team), Annabelle becomes a reluctant activist as people connect her journey to the trauma from her past. Her cross-country run gains media attention and she is cheered on as she crosses state borders, and is even thrown a block party and given gifts. The support would be nice, if Annabelle could escape the guilt and the shame from what happened back home. They say it isn’t her fault, but she can’t feel the truth of that.

Through welcome and unwelcome distractions, she just keeps running, to the destination that awaits her. There, she’ll finally face what lies behind her—the miles and love and loss…and what is to come.

My Review: I was given a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. 

It's been almost a year since the crime that shook Annabelle Agnelli's life to the very core, yet she can't move on. The guilt and shame haunts her and time seems to be making things worse, not better, as it marches her towards the one year anniversary and a mysterious meeting in September. So one night in a fast food parking lot she snaps, and just starts running -- away from the past, away from the future, away from the things she did and didn't do. Joined by her grandfather in his RV, the two set out on a months-long marathon across the country, cheered on by her brother and friends, the unofficial campaign managers. But even with all the support in the world, Annabelle struggles to forgive herself for the part she played in the crime. If she hopes to make it to DC, or to the meeting in September, or to ever move on with her life, she has to push through and make sense of it all -- the run, the crime, the survivor's guilt, and the phantom image of The Taker that haunts her every day. 

“This is the problem with danger, isn't it? You can even be warned and ignore the warning. Danger can seem far away until the sky grows dark, and a bolt of fury heads straight toward you.” - A Heart in a Body in the World

Wow, this book is devastating. I am going to do my best to avoid anything relatively spoilery because the book relies heavily on the mystery of what happened to Annabelle as well as what will happen (with the upcoming September meeting) to drive the tension and keep readers engaged. I'm usually a little annoyed when books withhold information from the reader in an attempt to build tension, but it actually works fairly well in this book, mostly because the book isn't really about the crime itself, but all the emotions that came afterwards -- the survivor's guilt, the anxiety, PTSD symptoms, depression, and how to work through those emotions and continue going despite it all. So withholding the actual details of the crime wasn't frustrating, and definitely enough of a draw to keep me reading longer. 

Annabelle is also a reluctant protagonist in this story. She's not running with a big cause in mind, she didn't spend any time preparing or doing any marketing for fundraising -- she just runs because she's at the end of her rope and it's the only thing left she can do. She gets pushed into a position of activist by her brother and friends who use that angle in order to raise money for her travels, but she spends most of the book trying to wrap her head around her own feelings, let alone format a message to send out. The raw emotions in this book are what make it so powerful and this book just nails them every single time: Annabelle feeling responsible for other people's feelings, that anxious need to be the perfect everything to everyone, crushing down gut instincts because of guilt, let alone any of the mental health issues that come out after the crime. The way emotions and mental health were handled in this book was incredibly accurate and powerful and made me want to give a copy to every little girl. I loved how it addressed gut feelings girls may have about men, how they may ignore them because we're taught not to jump to conclusions, and how to trust in yourself. The book took a feminist approach to domestic violence and was organized into a powerful story that shows girls how -- and why-- it matters to trust in yourself. 

Though I'm not interested in running (I'm committed to the couch), it wasn't hard to get into the book or understand Annabelle's need to run. Much of the book involves just Annabelle and the road, but the focus is on her trauma and how she learns to reconcile all the pain and loss, and the running definitely takes a back seat to that. Annabelle at times uses the running to hurt herself as a way to atone, and so even when we see the injuries from her run or how she prepares herself, the focus is still on the struggle in her head. I was really interested in how the book handled "The Taker," who is a relatively nameless character who committed the crime and now haunts Annabelle wherever she goes. At first I wasn't sure how I liked the way The Taker was shown, as he is shown to be more of a faceless, nameless monster than a real person who committed a crime. Annabelle demonizes him in her head (rightfully so) to the point that the character is more of a monster than a human. Though this is very accurate to how many trauma victims react to their abuser, I wondered if it took away from the story by furthering that cognitive dissonance in many of us that violent criminals are somehow not human, or at least different from us, as opposed to just another person. The Taker is named at the end of the book, which I feel is super important for giving him a human face. Since the book was about Annabelle's emotions, not the crime or The Taker, I realized it was probably more effective to have him as a faceless monster, as that is more true to how a trauma victim would react. 

The writing style was really interesting in this book. It's third person, present tense, with a style that's similar to 3rd person limited perspective as we stay in Annabelle's head throughout, but the author doesn't take us fully inside Annabelle's thoughts and feelings as specifics of the crime are being withheld to create tension, so the point of view is somewhere between limited and a close omniscient. The way the story is written has a huge effect on the reader, as we get incredibly close to Annabelle yet there is still this distance between us and her that gives us the mystery - this is particularly evident after Annabelle witnesses a deer being hit by a car and we see the effect it has on her, without really knowing the exact thoughts circling in her head. 

The only thing that held me back from 5 starring this book was the unlikely cheesiness that came out at times. Annabelle gets a lot of support throughout the book, which is hugely important for someone dealing with PTSD, but the unanimous support was just a little too much, especially at the climax, pushing it from feeling unlikely to a little fake. That cheesiness also took me out of the story a bit, which was a shame since the rest of the book was so spot on. It's hard to judge a book for being "too positive" but it just seems too perfect to be true, which might say more about my life and experiences than the realism of the scene, but I don't think I'm the only reader who felt a little iffy on the happily ever after moments. 

TL;DR: 4/5 stars. An emotional journey about a girl learning to find her voice and her strength after a violent tragedy.