Reviews in Review 2017

It's that time of year again! New Years is probably one of my favorite holidays, and not because of the partying that comes with it (I'm the lightest lightweight you'll meet, trust me). I love all the resolutions, the self-reflection, and looking back on accomplishments and celebrating them, or on failures and learning from them. It's like a holiday all about growth, rebirth and second chances, and who wouldn't love that?

Every year I like to do my Reviews in Review where I reflect on all the books I've read, see if feelings have changed on any of them, as well as pick the stand out books of the year. 2017 wasn't the greatest reading year for me. I managed to read 15 out of my goal of 25. My goal has been to read 25 books a year for the last few years, and though I haven't quite made it there yet, I still believe I can do it. I did better this year than my first year with this goal, where I only managed 14 books, but worse than last year when I got 19 under my belt. I think all us creatives have suffered under the first year of Trump in office, so I'm hoping next year I'll finally be able to meet my goal of 25. I've got high hopes for 2018, though that may just be the optimism of the season taking hold. Either way, I'm stoked to see what the new year has in store. For now, let's look back at the stand outs of last year.

Outstanding in the Field 

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas 

My first contact with this book was the Publisher's Marketplace deal announcement. Right from that little paragraph I knew there was something magical in this manuscript. When teaser releases became available, it only made me want this book more. This is the first book that I've ever watched go from deal announcement, to teaser marketing, to release day where I greedily grabbed the second last copy on the shelf. The book didn't disappoint, either. The question, I wondered, was would it stand up to the test of time? The answer was obvious, and with a slam dunk yes, this is one of the books I still think about often. I think about how many Starrs are out there right now, living eerily similar lives, and trying to find their voice in this world. And every day I'm grateful for the industry reps that championed this book, plucked Thomas out of the slush pile, and gave all those Starrs the representation they so deserved. It is the perfect example of writers using our craft to fight back and say something about the state of our world. For all these reasons and more, I can't help but name this one the real stand out of this year. 

Problematic AF 

I Am J by Cris Beam 

So, this book. If you want to be offended, then feel free to pick this one up. The main character was horribly mean throughout the whole book, even to people who openly cared about him. There was homophobia, biphobia, sexism, J degrades a sexual assault victim, and on, and on. I was enraged for my entire read through, and if anything that rage has only solidified over time. The biphobic comment especially still gets me really angry, as there was no need for it. It was just a hurtful comment the author wanted to throw in which added nothing to the story whatsoever, unless its purpose was to reinforce how awful J was, then it succeeded wonderfully. For the whole book, it was like the author hid their MC behind the transgender tag to get away with them being utterly despicable. Unfortunately, the writing style was just as bad, leaving this to be a particularly painful read to get through. A shame, since I'd had this one on my shelf for years and really connected with the premise. This book perfectly shows that writing is all in the execution. 

Best Romance 

Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley

Hands down, the prize for best romance, het or LGBTQ2S, goes to Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley. I heard good things about the book and was longing for a good lesbian love story, and wasn't disappointed when I dove straight in. This book is a romance with a rich period setting steeped in segregation issues. I can still perfectly picture that back room where the girls did their schoolwork, where romantic tensions ran high among race debates. The tensions of the time set a high-stakes backdrop for the characters, who overcome prejudice to let love win. The tensions were so beautifully balanced in this book, and the romance had that edge-of-your-seat quality that made the book difficult to put down. The romantic tension blew all the books with straight couples right out of the water. Just thinking of this book warms my heart.  

Biggest Disappointment  

How to Ruin Everything by George Watsky

I was looking forward to this book as I'm a huge fan of Watsky's rap and spoken word career. He is a very talented poet and so getting a more in-depth look at his life was definitely appealing to me. And in some ways, the book was great. Each essay individually was beautiful and well-written, but they seemed lost when grouped all together. The book on a whole lacked that thematic connection that showed how to really ruin everything, which was disappointing as I feel the book could have been so much better with a thematic through line that helped loop each essay into a bigger picture. 

CSTAB Award - Can't Stop Talking About (this) Book 

More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera

There are those books you read that just turn you into a chatterbox. You can't help talking about the book to everyone you meet, and for me, the book for that this year was More Happy Than Not. I was blabbing about it to everyone-- my roommates, friends, coworkers, even people at the gym. It's a premise that's captivating in its controversy, with an emotional plot that makes you extremely invested in the characters' lives. The book made me cry, it made me laugh, and it left me feeling a little bit empty and searching for answers from the world-- in a way that only a good book can. Adam Silvera is not afraid to rip your heart out and gift it back to you, which is probably what makes it so easy to talk about. Misery does love company, after all. 

Honorary Mention: The Resonator 

Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging by Sebastian Junger

This book came to me at just the right time. The writing itself was easy and pleasant to get through, but it also opened my eyes to a lot of new ideals while piecing together things I had already learned and believed. Especially when our world is in a state of disunity and turmoil, this book helped me to realize how I'm going to resist and help my communities grow to a better place. At the end of the day, humans are social creatures, and when we commit to supporting one another and doing our part for the group, we can create amazing societies. This book really resonated with me and I'm often thinking about a certain part of the book where the author talks about the Siege of Sarajevo, how people banded together to survive, huddled together in basements while bombs flew through the city. One quote from the book that I loved was something a survivor of the siege, Nidzara Ahmetasevic, said about the experience: "We didn't believe in heroes. We were punk rockers. Our biggest hero was David Bowie." 

Book Review: More Happy Than Not

Book Review: More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera 

Goodreads Description: Part Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, part Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, Adam Silvera's extraordinary debut confronts race, class, and sexuality during one charged near-future summer in the Bronx.

The Leteo Institute's revolutionary memory-relief procedure seems too good to be true to Aaron Soto - miracle cure-alls don't tend to pop up in the Bronx projects. But Aaron can't forget how he's grown up poor or how his friends aren't always there for him. Like after his father committed suicide in their one bedroom apartment. Aaron has the support of his patient girlfriend, if not necessarily his distant brother and overworked mother, but it's not enough.

Then Thomas shows up. He has a sweet movie-watching setup on his roof, and he doesn't mind Aaron's obsession with a popular fantasy series. There are nicknames, inside jokes. Most importantly, Thomas doesn't mind talking about Aaron's past. But Aaron's newfound happiness isn't welcome on his block. Since he's can't stay away from Thomas or suddenly stop being gay, Aaron must turn to Leteo to straighten himself out, even if it means forgetting who he is.


My Review: "Now we know the procedure is 100 percent real and 0 percent bullshit because one of our own has gone through it." 

Explaining books like More Happy Than Not can seem like a Herculean task. It's a book about everything and nothing, about the complexities and chaos of humanity interwoven with the daily banality that drives boredom into your skull like rail spikes. Somewhere between chatting with his mom and games of manhunt with the guys lies this beautiful picture of firsts, from first love to first kiss to first discovering who you really are, which all folds together to paint us a picture of Aaron Soto's life.

After his father's suicide, Aaron is left adrift. He has Genevieve, his girlfriend, who has stuck by him through the struggle, his Mom, who means well, and his brother, who never looks up from his video games, but at least he's there. Then Aaron meets Thomas, a kid from the next block over who sees things in a way Aaron never considered. As they grow closer, Aaron must come to face truths about himself: that he doesn't miss his girlfriend of over a year like he misses Thomas, that he can't stop staring when Thomas takes off his shirt, and that he's hopelessly in love with his new best friend. Being gay would disrupt everything he's tried so hard to build up since his father's suicide, so he turns to the Leteo Institute, which can help him forget his sexuality. But can erasing parts of himself really work in the long run? Or will the procedure threaten to tear Aaron's life-- and his mind-- apart?

After finishing this book, the only metaphor I could think of to describe it was a roller coaster with only one drop. The anticipation builds as you settle into the seat and it slowly starts the ascension. The view is beautiful. This is how the book begins. We see Aaron, living in poverty but happy nonetheless, still reeling from his father's suicide, with a girlfriend at his side and a gaggle of neighborhood friends. Then Thomas enters the picture, and the view just gets better. The budding romance, the slow realization of sexuality, and the feelings of real love blooming all flows as expected and loops the reader into a false sense of security. We think we know how the rest of the book will play out. Then before we know it, the roller coaster drops and we head down, down, and the rush is amazing but there's the realization that you're not coming back up, and the book heads down, down, down, until you crash at the bottom into a beautiful emotional wreckage.

Plot? Characters? Tension? Writing? Give them all a ten out of ten. The writing is so well-done that it's sometimes hard to stay objective as a reviewer and not get completely absorbed into the story. Silvera especially has a flair for foreshadowing, which comes into play all throughout the book. It's used throughout in small and big ways and leaves the reader constantly looking back, reevaluating the dual meanings in every line. I was particularly taken with one of the first lines, the one at the beginning of this review, which takes on a whole new meaning about half-way through.

Too often in books, characters can have their negative traits washed away to appear "good" in an attempt to create a character that is likable and sympathetic. Silvera didn't hesitate to risk "likability" for raw relatability, which sounds similar, though likability tends to be sugar coated while relatability tends to show us our flaws as well as our strengths reflected in a character. There are several instances of characters "behaving badly" throughout the book; Aaron cheats on his girlfriend, a love interest cheats on his girlfriend, Aaron obsessively denies Thomas's sexuality and assumes he knows what others are feeling. I was initially a little turned off by the cheating, especially as I started the book very aware that Aaron had a long term girlfriend and the potential for cheating was rife. I've been burned hard before by books that have a character cheating on their SO while it's portrayed as okay because of "true love" or because the SO was a dick once. I was disappointed to see Aaron cheating, but the way it was presented made this an opportunity for character growth as opposed to excusing poor behaviour. Both through dialogue of other characters and through Aaron's narrative, it's asserted that the cheating was completely wrong and fully Aaron's fault. What's nice is there's no speech from Mom to explain why cheating is bad, instead we get glimpses that allows the reader to come to that conclusion on their own. That's what really makes these negative characteristics shine: Silvera shows the reality of how and why we act that way, and then layers in the slow realization of the consequences from it. We're not told that cheating is bad, instead we see how it affects those Aaron cares about. Plus it allows the reader to draw their own conclusions, which is crucial, especially for YA fiction.

Throughout the book, Aaron stresses in his narrative that he knows Thomas' sexuality, that he knows Thomas is "acting straight," and will come to his senses eventually, allowing them to be together. It was a little jarring at first, especially because making this assumption is pretty unflattering for Aaron. As the book goes on, he continues to stress that he knows what Thomas likes, despite being provided with evidence of the contrary. By the end of the book, he comes to accept the reality, and by doing so comes to accept himself, for Aaron's assumptions about Thomas' sexuality are really just him projecting his issues onto Thomas. He can be certain about Thomas' sexuality because he's so uncertain about his own. Deep down, he knows he's 100% gay, but because of his circumstances he cannot consciously admit it. It's why, just before he admits it within narrative, he tries to rationalize in ways that become ridiculous in their attempt to avoid the obvious. He literally does anything he can to avoid the truth, to the point that when he does admit his sexuality, he immediately begins to project everything onto Thomas, seeing him as the one whose gay but straight passing. By projecting his situation onto Thomas, he can safely analyze the situation and think about what he should do (stop hiding his homosexuality and just be true to himself). As well, this rings so true to the experiences many LGBT kids have growing up: that forceful wishing that the person you loved would realize they were gay too (or just returned your feelings) so you could both have that Happily Ever After. It's something real and tragic and seeing it on page brought me right back to being 13 years old again.

The book perfectly captures the pain and hope of adolescence. It literally made me feel like a teenager again because of how incredibly well-crafted the narrative was. As mentioned above, Aaron makes assumptions about Thomas' sexuality, uses his girlfriend as a cover, falls in love with his best friend, hopes when there's no reason left to hope that his crush might love him back, and when things don't fall into a fairy tale, he struggles to find his happiness with people who can't give him the whole of what he needs. All of this done with an unapologetic teenage thought-process that mirrored exactly how I thought as a teenager. Aaron Soto actually thinks like a teenager, not an adult pretending to be a teenager. The cherry on top of that realistic teen experiences were things like Gen and Thomas hanging out together, the way Collin just isn't who Aaron needs him to be, and the empty spaces where no one asks what's wrong, which really brought home that isolating teenager experience. Life isn't Disney as a teen, and boy, does this book remind us of that.

The book can come across as heavy, especially because a major part of the book involves Aaron wanting to erase the part of his brain that's gay. It's a risky topic to play with, but Silvera handles it perfectly, and without having Aaron sit down and say, "I'm okay with me!" the narrative manages to show that being true to yourself is the key that opens the door to happiness. One of the hallmark's of this book is its ability to say something without outright saying it, which is a true testament to Silvera's incredible writing skills. Bring on the books, Silvera! This is one author you'll want to watch.


TL;DR: 5/5 stars. A beautiful tale of firsts, of a boy coming to grips with who he is, of finding happiness through the shards of tragedy.